why i hate my roommate

Today began at 4:55am. I haven't seen this hour in, well...I can't even remember. However today was special because my roommate (who I will now call 'the roommate') needed a ride to the airport so he can visit a girl in Florida. Boys.. er..men- do the craziest things for girls.

The way there was pretty good- hardly any traffic and fairly straightforward. It took about 20 minutes.

At 5:30am I waved goodbye to the roommate and hopped back on the highway, moving closer to my bed with every passing moment.

Until...

(at this point in the story I must preface it with what I like to refer to as 'the man sense of direction'. I didn't exactly know how to get back but I trusted my God-given ability to navigate through forests, deserts and highways to reach my destination. Man sense of direction is also known as 'pride'. I've never actually tried to use this ability before 6am... I found out that it doesn't work too well early in the mornings).

ahem...

Until...

I found myself in New Jersey.

Oops!

So in my confusion I had taken a wrong turn and was halfway into Camden before I was able to find an off ramp and turn around. This proved to be a disaster. In the early morning darkness I pulled a u-turn back towards the highway- all clear.

After going about 50 feet down this road I saw a wave of traffic coming towards me (remember..it was early). As it turns out I had made a u turn onto a one way street, thus I was proceeding into oncoming traffic.

(cue my mother gasping)

So... I pulled over as far as I could and was relieved when only 3 cars honked (thanks folks...like I don't know I made a mistake).

So, I pulled another U-turn and was headed in the right direction- found the highway and went back to Pennsylvania and back to the toll highway. Apparently if you live in Pennsylvania you don't have to pay it but if you're coming from New Jersey you do.

Now, at this point it gets fuzzy because it was surreal.

I approach the tolls and realise that like a good student I don't have any cash... "debit" I think... "credit at least.."... "someone must be able to process this, it must happen all the time...plus it's only $3.00"

5:48am I approach the booth
5:49am Chris: "Hi there, I took the wrong exit and ended up in New Jersey and all I have is debit or credit"
Apathetic toll booth man: "you need cash"
Chris: "really, you can't take any cards...anywhere here?"
ATBM: "nope"

at this point he pulls out a pad of paper and walks behind my car to write down the license plate. "crap"...i thought.

ATBM: "where are you headed"
*a glimmer of hope*
Chris: "city line in wynnewood- do you know how to get there from here"
ATBM: "ya, but you can't go there"
Chris thinks in his mind 'is it closed? construction?... a parade???'
Chris says "really, why not?"
ATBM: "because you didn't pay the toll"
Chris laughs out loud.
Chris says "what?"
ATBM: "you need to pull over to the right side of the road and wait for the police"
Chris says "WHAT!...are you serious?"
ATBM: "yep, you need to pull over there and wait for them to show up"
Chris says "for three dollars?"
ATBM: "yep"

Chris thinks- 'now I won't get to go back to sleep...'

5:50am- I pull over to the right side of the road and wait for the police. I wonder what they are going to do? Empty my pockets? Fine me? Take me to jail?...

5:54am- I decide to find a way out of this thing.
5:55am- I found $1.35 USD in my car and $0.15 CDN or what I like to call $1.50 (hoping that ATBM wouldn't notice the currency problem).

5:57am- I walk up to the back of this ATBM's toll booth and knock.

He opens the door.

ATBM: "yes?"
Chris: "I found $1.50 in my car...does that help the situation"
ATBM: "nope, you need a $3.00"
Chris: "seriously, there must be something we can work out here..."
ATBM: "ya... you can find me $1.50 or else it'll come off my paycheque"

(I can not repeat the thoughts that were going through my head at this point)

Chris: "what are the police going to do?"
ATBM: "they are going to escort you back to New Jersey so you can find a bank"

Chris thinks *I'm starting to understanding why people think the United States is so screwed up???"
Chris: "escort me back to New Jersey over $1.50?"
ATBM: "yep..."
Chris: "can I sell you something for $1.50.. a cd... a pair of gloves??"
ATBM: "nope..."
Chris "but if I find $1.50 I can leave..right?"
ATBM: "yep"

I'd never panhandled until this morning.

I approached the first car I could and in a polite Canadian accent asked a lady driving a blue SUV if she could spare $1.50 for the alien in a strange land.

LDABSUV: "oh sure! We've all been there before"
Chris: "thank you so much"

I approach apathetic toll booth man and knock on his booth door...

ATBM: "you back again???"
As I hold out the extra money: "ya and here's your $3.00"
ATBM: "alright..."
Chris: "so I can leave now right?"
ATBM: "yep, you can go"
Chris: "and the police??? are they going to send me a ticket or something"
ATBM: "nope"


6:12am
depart the toll booths.
6:34am
arrive at the Seminary
6:49am
sleeping....

The moral of the story is that I hate my roommate.

the end.

ps- I don't really hate him but for a brief period I may have.