thoughts about being here.

The previous post was a poem by Wendell Berry who is an American author that I've been meaning to get into for quite some time. I was glancing at some books that my new roommate has and there it was- a collection of poems by the big W.B.

Essentially things are different here. I wouldn't say they are bad or that my experience has been negative in the least but it's obviously not familiar and familiarity has been my life for almost 6 years. Everyone is pretty nice at the seminary I'm staying at but I wouldn't say that I've necessarily 'connected' with anyone just yet, in that way where you just know you can make a joke (eg. paul eats cereal loudly and it drives me nuts!) or when you can be unconscious of the amount of
noise your making or the manner in which you prepare your dinner, or the amount of time you take to shower...or the way you drive with strangers in the car or the music you're listening to... right now it's so 'tip-toey' all the time. From past experiences I'm guessing this will probably take about 2-3 weeks to change for the better but time moves slowly when there's not much going on.

There are a couple redeeming factors to all of this though. The first is that I'm excited about the classes I get to take- they are: Applied Research and Evaluation (which I'm more nervous about than excited), Research and Issues in International Development, Economic Development for Developing Countries and Biblical Faith and Economics. It's a bit heavy on the economics front but the assignments I've seen from the syllabi sound interesting (ie. evaluate the developing methods of the documentary 'born into brothels' or 'discuss the relationship of economics and the kingdom of God') So, I am excited to start classes on Tuesday.

The other factor of goodness that I'm holding to is that I'm convinced that there's something divine about being here. Leading up to the big move I became suddenly aware of how much I loved my life in Toronto- how much I loved my friends, my job...even the city of Toronto. I became increasingly sad at the prospect of moving because it meant leaving all of these things behind. I was sharing all of this with a trusted friend when he suggested something that I think will shape my time here. The thought..epiphany as I experienced it...was something like- God has given me so much, much more than I ever dreamed of or imagined for myself- and its like God might be saying that for a time it's going to be gone... I'll be removed from the familiarity, the friendships, the family, the networks, the jobs... and that it's going to be just me and God and we're going to figure this out together- apart from all of the influences of home and the busyness that comes with being there. That in this year away I'm going to slow things down in a sense and figure out who I am and where I'm supposed to be and all that jazz.

"In having known fully the
goodness of that, it will be
good also to melt."

So, in short- it sucks to be away but I'm content to be here.